Forest Through the Trees
by Hannibal the Animal
Summary: A dark interpretation of the relationship between Olivia Dunham and John Scott, and its aftermath.
1. The American Sycamore

**TITLE:** _The American Sycamore_

**CHARACTERS:** _Olivia Dunham, John Scott_

**GENRE: **_Dark_

**RATING:** _M_

**SUMMARY:** _"Life is but a moment, death also is but another." -Robert H. Schuller_

**SPOILERS: **_Season One pilot_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_A story that has wanted to be written since October 2008 and fondly finished two years later_

**DISCLAIMER:** _unbeta'd_

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Olivia, Olivia Dunham, Special Agent, Olivia is the fall frost, coating all that she touches with a slight cold taint; those that are exposed to it for too long die. She is closed and empty, full of need and want. Ice—entirely solid and complete, but made of nothing. But she longs for the heat that others generate, real people. The ones that go home family and friends, that know how to laugh and smile, small flames hidden inside bodies. She isn't sure if she should gravitate to their fires—would she become warm, too, or would she simply melt away? She is caught between wanting hot and cold, scared of both.

If she is the frost, then John Scott is Winter. Dark, draining, bleak, she can feel this pull in him, the way a frozen lake still has its own hidden tide. Like the moon, she draws this part of him out, she compliments it. John is mysterious and dangerous—she knows this—and while she wants a normal relationship with a man, she has no idea how to handle 'normal'. He is a shadow, lurking in the dark, out of the line of sight, but she can see him, can see what he is.

It's at a mindless soiree that they're first introduced. She can instantly tell he is just what she needs. He is both good and evil, dark and light, judge, jury, _and_ executioner. He is a man who knows what he wants and how he wants it and she knows that he _wants_ her. She can see that he can help her achieve who she wants to be, who she has been struggling to rebuild herself as. She stands quietly, waiting, knowing that he will make the first move, that he must choose her, declare her worth of being saved.

His eyes are sharp, ice.

He tells her it's a pleasure to meet her and she can see that it's not a nicety, but the secret way he's letting her know that he's been waiting for her and they've both crossed a threshold that they can never come back from. His fingers grasp hers tightly and while she has a powerful handshake as well, she knows he can see through it, see how weak she is.

He smiles and her heart beats wildly, feeling as though she's been thrown into ice water, her body fighting and struggling to free herself to him, but she bides her time and by the end of the evening, he's taken her to a hotel room to lay claim to her.

And Olivia is ready to drown in him.


	2. The Pin Oak

**TITLE:** _The Pin Oak_

**CHARACTERS:** _Olivia Dunham, Charlie Francis_

**GENRE: **_Dark_

**RATING:** _M_

**SUMMARY:** _"__Goals must never be from your ego, but problems that cry for a solution."__ —Robert H. Schuller_

**SPOILERS: **_Season One pilot_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_A story that has wanted to be written since October 2008 and fondly finished two years later_

**DISCLAIMER:** _unbeta'd_

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Charlie Francis is her partner.

They meet when she's transferred from DC, after the shitstorm with Agent Harrison—she hates change that she hasn't pursued herself and she nearly goes into a state of shock to be separated from her first partner, Lucus.

But Charlie is a better match for her anyway. He is a gentle man, patient with her in ways most people are not; he doesn't have a problem that she's a woman, doesn't try to hit on her. He treats her like an equal, giving her the respect so few agents are willing to give her. Their personalities complement one another and it isn't long before she finds herself looking forward to seeing him every day.

Olivia prefers listening and observing which makes for a perfect partnership because Charlie likes to spend their time together talking. He laughs, tells stories, askes her about her day, buys them likes to talk about favourite high school memories, his college years, his life with his wife.

Olivia pretends these feelings and emotions are her own, sometimes lying awake early in the morning acting out what he's told her in her mind. She wonders what it's like to give a fuck about people—no, _really_ give a fuck. She only saves people because she knows that's what she's supposed to do, not because she cares about them. When she feels bad about the neighbor being in a car accident it's because it's change that disrupts her life, not because the person is in pain. She hates when balance is disrupted.

Charlie has a wife and a house with a white picket fence, she has a laptop and an empty brownstone. He tries to invite her over to watch football in the evening and she walks the neighbourhood sidewalks at two in the morning. He likes brownies with walnuts while she likes listening to widows cry for their murdered husbands. Olivia likes him very much because he is so entirely different from her and he doesn't realise it. He doesn't experience misery like her, no, he feels compassion and a longing to remove it from the world. She knows misery looks the same no matter who experiences it and she carefully pushes it away from her, not willing to allow other's pain to absorb into her.

Sometimes she wishes to learn how to be like her partner, but emotions just don't suit her.


	3. The Red Maple

**TITLE:** _The Red Maple_

**CHARACTERS:** _John Scott, Olivia Dunham_

**GENRE: **_Dark_

**RATING:** _M_

**SUMMARY:** _"__It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow."__ -Robert H. Schuller_

**SPOILERS: **_Season One pilot_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_A story that has wanted to be written since October 2008 and fondly finished two years later_

**DISCLAIMER:** _unbeta'd_

**

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John is a Born Again Patriot and his life is for the United States Government and nothing else. He doesn't want family, friends, children, but he does want a fellow soldier to stand by his side and Olivia thinks she can be that soldier. She wants to prove to him that she is capable of anything he asks of her and so when he tells her to jump, she does.


	4. The Sugar Maple

**TITLE:** _The Sugar Maple_

**CHARACTERS:** _John Scott, Olivia Dunham_

**GENRE: **_Dark_

**RATING:** _M_

**SUMMARY:** _"__If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been."__ —Robert H. Schuller_

**SPOILERS: **_Season One pilot_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_A story that has wanted to be written since October 2008 and fondly finished two years later_

**DISCLAIMER:** _unbeta'd_

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Their courtship is harsh, painfully precise, and perfect. He is breaking her down to rebuild her, to put her parts in the place they ought go. He treats her the way she deserves to be treated, keeping her all to himself, secret and hidden away from the world's misunderstanding eyes. She loves being his treasure, the private project that he spends so much time to make flawless. One day, she will be just like him.

And it was much easier for him to correct all the wrongs in her because she knows she needs to be rebuilt, that she must be changed. She is a sheet of music and he is the conductor that can make sense of the symbols on all the lines.

John pushes her mind until one morning before breakfast it finally breaks. It becomes separate from her body and as she lies gasping on the kitchen floor, she feels everything in her become clearer, sharp and defined. She's in disbelief she was able to go so long on only abstract thoughts, clutter. John rubs her back, murmuring words of reassurance as he talks her through it. She is transcending the world she used to belong to. Her mind used to be confused and muddled with _things_, thoughts and memories, but he knows how to make her erase them from her mind so that she only has the knowledge she needs in order to survive.

He is perfectly controlling, a master of himself which makes it so easy for him to become master of her. She learns to obey him mindless, learns to read his body language as though he's speaking aloud—sometimes it's as though he's shouting and she has to cover her ears so that she isn't drowned out.

Lists. He shows her that nothing should be done without a list. He explains to her that _"to make a good list takes longer than the project itself"_ as he has her sit at her desk and write out what she needs to do to get her promotion. She finishes and he has her start over again, add more details, set her aspirations higher. It's three in the morning when he's finally satisfied with what she's written out and exhausted, she feels a sense of accomplishment, a _real_ sense of pride.

He pushes her body to the limits, their religious exercising removing almost every curve that renders her female. Her muscles become strong and lean, her ability to endure twice, _three_ times longer than it had been before him. They spend hours together at his favourite gym, running on the tredmills until she's sure the machine will give out before he does.

She is transforming to something better and she eagerly waits to see what it is.


	5. The White Ash

**TITLE:** _The White Ash_

**CHARACTERS:** _John Scott, Olivia Dunham_

**GENRE: **_Dark_

**RATING:** _M_

**SUMMARY:** _"__God's delays are not God's denials."__ -Robert H. Schuller_

**SPOILERS: **_Season One pilot_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_A story that has wanted to be written since October 2008 and fondly finished two years later_

**DISCLAIMER:** _unbeta'd_

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Olivia classifies her life in two ways: Before John and After John. They are two separate lives, two separate Olivias and she silently rejoices that she is now Better, Smarter, Stronger. Before John she was lost, _so_ _lost_, and now she is an efficient machine, designed to serve her country, her people, her John. She feels powerful because she is his, that she was the one he chose, and she never wants to let him down because then he might leave her.

And then where would she be?

She is completely ruled by him and she loves it. He gives her a definition—not a reason to live, but a reason to exist. She moves with a certain grace, her purpose in life no longer ill defined.

Occasionally she might see John in the hallways of the field office and their eyes never meet, but as they pass one another, she feels the burning cold radiating off him, the energy of an atom bomb that nearly knocks her over. Sometimes she almost turns around to watch him go by, but she knows better than to do that, that it would ruin the magic of his presence and would demonstrate a lack of self-control. She wonders what he feels when she is near him, if he feels the same completeness of it all. She doesn't dare ask, because truly she is afraid of such an answer.

He makes her feel so achingly beautiful. She shines every waking moment of every day, knowing that he is out there somewhere, thinking about her, planning for her, dreaming for her. She dreams for him, too, dreams of success, triumph, and eternal life. At night when she falls asleep in her bed, her mind thinks only of him, always of him. Infatuated obsessions of him that lead her into battle, that watch her die in the line of fire and cradle her dying body, telling her she did a good job. She aches to be told she was all he thought she could be...


	6. The White Elm

**TITLE:** _The White Elm_

**CHARACTERS: **_John Scott, Olivia Dunham, mention of Walter Bishop_

**GENRE: **_Dark_

**RATING:** _M_

**SUMMARY:**_ "__Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost."__ -Robert H. Schuller_

**SPOILERS: **_Season One pilot_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_A story that has wanted to be written since October 2008 and fondly finished two years later_

**DISCLAIMER:** _unbeta'd_

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It is the last desperate part of them to hold onto one another. How can she function without him?

Reconnecting with him hits her like a freight train. His presence is powerful, overwhelming, and she nearly bursts into tears when she realises how much she'd missed it. He stands beside her, cool and untouchable as he always was.

They speak only a few words and to her it feels like seconds, days, years, but it passes so quick that she knows if she blinks, it will be over.

Walter had told her that her brain wave patterns were returning to normal, that her mind was succeeding in purging itself of John. Even if she can reconnect with him, it would be for seconds, minutes at best and then…

In the tank and in the world of her subconscious she can feel her skin prickle as John touches the side of her face, pulling her in for their final kiss. He is understanding of it all, something she equates to forgiveness—forgiving is for the weak and stupid and she is neither.

John tells her without words, their secret language of simply _knowing_ that she is strong, that she will carry on in the event of his absence. She is a soldier and she fulfill her duties. She want to cry, to mourn, but he is so right—if this is their final time together, they shouldn't drag it out, make it more painful than it needs to be.

She had confused herself and she sees that now. She was there to serve John, not the other way around. Whatever he'd designed her for, reprogrammed her for was the right way, not the silly dreams and impressions she had of their relationship. She was not made to question him or his motives and because she did, he's dead. She did this to him and she deserves to live without him.

She's never doubted their love. It was beautiful, true, and pure. _Nothing_ can make her think otherwise and as she stands alone on the dock, she denies herself pity.


	7. The White Oak

**TITLE:** _The White Oak_

**CHARACTERS:** _Peter Bishop, Olivia Dunham_

**GENRE: **_Dark_

**RATING:** _M_

**SUMMARY:** "_Anyone can count the seeds in an apple, but only God can count the number of apples in a seed."__—Robert H. Schuller_

**SPOILERS: **_Season One pilot_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_A story that has wanted to be written since October 2008 and fondly finished two years later_

**DISCLAIMER:** _unbeta'd_

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Olivia sits at one of the desks, eating the peanut butter and apricot jam sandwich she had bought from home. It's warm and uncomfortable to eat, sticking to the entirety of her mouth, challenging to swallow. Not that all food isn't become hard to palette anymore—flavour seems lost and the textures don't feel right. She isn't sure if this is because John's senses have become jumbled and disoriented with hers or if she's simply in mourning.

Movement brings Olivia out of her thoughts and she looks up to see Peter Bishop pulling out the chair across the desk from hers. He's balancing a cup of coffee atop his sandwich box; he shares a shy smile with her and although she doesn't smile back immediately, she makes sure to do so the second time he looks in her direction. He talks with her about random things and she can tell that he's only trying to fill the emptiness with words. She herself has never been good with words and she longs to explain to him that she is past words now, that she can survive without them, though she respects the gesture.

He seems lost, someone without a cause or a purpose...

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It hurts her to see him like this. Peter seems hesitant, but he complies with her request, spitting on her face, hissing how worthless she is. Sleeping with a traitor? Filth. Cortexiphan freak. She doesn't deserve love, ever. He whispers the words with such hatred she wonders if deep down he believes them. He must. How could he not?

"Are you listening to me?" he growls gripping her jaw tightly with his fingers, forcing her to look at him.

He flickers, the gold and glimmer wafting off his naked body like steam off pavement, small curls and waves that float away, but in the green of his eyes, she can see tears. He isn't someone who likes this—she doesn't like it either, but that's the only way it feels right, the only way John ever made her feel right. She lies completely still beneath him, his hot saliva running down her cheekbone.

_"Just hate me like you hate your father,"_ she'd told him.

Of course asking Peter to hate Walter was like asking a fish to swim, it comes so naturally to him and

His hand angrily strikes her—he isn't skilled enough yet to make her cry. This sex, their special secret, is a reminder of how numb she is to the world around her. She hasn't felt in years, but John knew her, the dark little tidbits in her that he could make surface to make her hurt. His words had been like hot daggers in the ice of her body, but this is Peter now and Peter is not John. And she's thankful for that. But sex is nothing without pain, humiliation, without suffering.

When he finally finishes, Peter sobs against her neck; she knows he's never treated a woman like this before and it's obvious that he's never thought he was capable of it. Her fingers mindlessly trace secret symbols across the nape of his neck, feeling his tears washing her skin. She knows it's water not holy enough to clean away her sins.

Maybe one day she will be able to save Peter, teach him how to neither want nor feel, show him how to cut away the emotions that tie him to this world. He could be like her, empty, numb. She could complete him. Olivia will always belong to John, but she believes that she could love this Bishop.

But for now, she will simply chill him with the frost.


End file.
